HypnoBirthing

So practicing relaxation is an important part of the way Kurt and I are preparing for Julianne's arrival.  It's a great way for me to let go, reduce stress, and to focus inward.  It gives us time as a couple to focus on our birth and helps me to feel supported and loved by Kurt's interest in practicing with me.

Before this week we've practiced in several different ways usually with me in a side lying position and Kurt talking me through relaxation and massaging my belly, back, feet, etc.  We've used guided relaxation tracks that our Bradley teacher sent us from Dartmouth College.  They were a good introduction to practicing with a cd guiding you to relax.  BUT, now we've upgraded to HypnoBirthing and I will NOT go back.

Oh. My. Goodness!  It's great!  I ordered this book from amazon when I ordered Oliver's christmas presents.  It comes with a cd in the back (which honestly is why I ordered the book at all).  I skimmed the first few pages of the book and got bored and skipped to listening to the cd.  I may go back and give the book another try but there are two tracks of guided relaxation on the cd.  I've actually only listened to the first track because I like it so much.  And I bet the second is just as good.  They are both about 20 minutes long.  I've only practiced with it 3 nights and I have achieved a deeper level of relaxation than I ever have before.

I am really excited to keep listening and working to achieve a deeper relaxation faster and more efficiently for birth.  I wanted to share with you too, because if you are pregnant, this is a MUST HAVE!  It is totally worth it!  And I can't wait to see how it impacts my birth experience!

A guest appearance from my husband.

Hello All.  Marissa here.  We've had a pretty crazy month I'll fill you in on in more posts than you may like soon.  However right now, my dear husband and I were sitting here, recovering from a stomach bug that has taken over our lives for 8 days now, and talking about birth.  The discussion was brought up from an article that popped up in my Facebook feed.  I read the article aloud and we began discussing some different things.  This prompted my husband to type out his thoughts.  After reading what he typed I decided I'd like to blog it and I'd like for you to read it.  I'd also like for you to show your husbands.  Birth is something we've become passionate about and I think it's so cool that Kurt is just as supportive of it as I am.  Here are his thoughts.  With some editing from me.

He begins with two thoughts:

1. A child is never one or the other of the parents "thing"  - It takes 2 to make a baby, HAVE a baby, raise a baby (for the best results) 

2. Sending a woman into today's medical system alone is condemning her to what the medical system wants for her.  This may seem like a good idea, but not if what the mom wants differs from what the nurses and doctors want (ie. Natural Birth with minimal intervention).

The medical system has a low view of pregnant women.  They see them as irrational, "sick", and time-consuming patients.  Rather than serving them as their care "professionals," they manipulate them to bring the mothers into their timeline, philosophy, and business model.  It's not fair to expect a woman to be able to focus on working through a labor AND fight off the nurses trying to push them into the medical system's idea of a birth.

The first idea is one that I'd have to admit most couples now understand.  We hear stories about men that used to wait in the waiting room while their wives gave birth to their children, for the most part that is no longer the case.  However, if the husband is present but not involved is he really there?  When a woman is in the heat of labor she will need the support of the person closest to her.  If he's been uninvolved and is uneducated about what is happening, how much support will he really be for her?  He needs to be there as her advocate in a system that has another agenda. 

Ask yourself these questions:
1.  Why does the nurse care if the mother has a natural birth or gets an epidural?  (Is she thinking of the mother's needs/wants, or trying to mollify the laboring woman and keep her in the bed?)

2.  Why is the C-Section rate on an upward trend in the U.S.? 

       a.  Do we have more issue-prone women?  --No
       b.  Or is it inherent in our system?  ---Yes

Now he continues on with some examples from our story. 

Unfortunately, the hospital format is a business and this does influence some of the policy.  The nurses run the show and we found this out first hand.  We dealt with nurses the entire time we were in the Labor and Delivery.  We saw the Doctor twice, through out the labor.  He checked in for a few minutes and then it was back to doing what the nurses said.  It's not they they know nothing, but they are a constant presence and they know what they want to happen.  They want "progress" and they want it in a timely manner.  If you don't have that..then they start in with their spiel.  For us, that was that we had broken water, but no contractions.  So they want contractions.  That means drugs, and yes, there were contractions.  But after hours of contractions that were not doing any real good, as far as opening the doorway for the baby, we called the doctor and he let us turn the medicine OFF!  That was unexpected and honestly, would not have happened if we didn't have the doctor that we did.  He understood what we wanted and what we were up against.  The nurses seemed pretty pissed.  So we slept for whatever, a couple hours, might has well have been minutes but with no fake contractions.  This was early morning..1-3 am, something like that. Marissa started natural contractions at some point before I woke up and that was the real turning point.

Now, you would think that, since the nurses wanted progress, and progress meant contractions because contractions means opening up the doorway, we were on a good track.  Nope, they came in and were like "Ok, time to turn back on the pitocin."   So I had to say, well, no, we don't want to do that.  And I swear they looked at us like we were absolutely stupid.  I had to say, no, we want to consult with the doctor again.  It's not like the doctor was involved here.  We had to have them call him at home the night before to get to change our medicine (actually get them to turn it off).  Now we have to ask THEM to let US talk to OUR doctor.  And that seemed to piss them off again.  Why is it that we are PROBLEM patients because we are informed and know what we want?  Because they can't push us through the mill and get us out of there.  They were not in control.  But, neither were WE!  We knew that once the process started (and I mean the natural process that morning, the "real" contractions as I call them) it was just a matter of hanging on for the ride.  Sure enough, we got to proceed with out the medicine but were told if there wasn't "progress" we would have to turn it back on…Ok seriously?  Is that like, what, a threat?  There were many nurses who I would have gladly fired on the spot (for us personally, not their job, haha) but we said we understood and it didn't matter because we weren't turning the medicine back out without a court order anyway.  And it didn't matter because, as it turned out, we didn't need it.  

You see there is this giant digital clock in the room (or at least there was at our hospital) and that was not a mistake.  They used that to keep their control.  I know they need to know timing and stuff, but that damn clock was always right there, glowing red, for those hours that we weren't  making sufficient "progress."  It felt like we were "losing." Like this was some kind of battle? 
The thing is, it was, at many times a battle.  And truthfully, it wasn't just myself and Marissa.  I had Marissa's older sister (a birthing method teacher and 2x natural birth mom) and Marissa's mom (natural birth for all 4 of her children).  We had to take the hard route many times to get the birth that we wanted.  If Marissa had been by herself through all of that time, it would not have been the same.  She needed support, and even with the support that she did have, it was touch and go as to whether we were going to "lose" and have more intervention.
I totally understand wanting to birth at home.  I would be happy to never step foot into the Labor and Delivery ward again.  To let your in on how lucky we were to have gotten our OB (a last minute change we had decided RIGHT before Oliver came 4 WEEKS early) Dr. Brabson has gone on to form a Midwifery Center practice in the hospital we delivered at.  Obviously, he gets that mothers can have babies, that it is not convenient or fast, that intervention after intervention isn't necessary, but that if anything happens, a good OB Is great to have on your team.  

So there you have it.  Straight from the mouth of a man, a father, a husband.  I think it's pretty cool that he's so interested in these things.  I would love to do training to teach natural childbirth and I know he'd be there by my side teaching with me.  Sure it may seem that birth is a woman's thing but it's not.  Men are stepping up to the plate.  In the midst of birth; the pain, the joy who better to be at your side?  Who better to experience the best moment of your life with?  The elation, the joy, conquering what you knew you wanted.  Why would you want anyone other than your husband there to look to for help, reassurance, coaching with love and knowledge in the process.  He is truly irreplaceable and no one else can take his place and give quite the same result. 

Emmanuel

Here I sit. In a quiet house. Tears in my eyes and a babe at my breast. The tree is lit and half of the presents remain under it. New toys scattered across the floor with the smell of cinnamon and coffee in the air. It's Christmas morning, at least at our house.

I'm totally overwhelmed at the story of Christmas this year. I am a mother now. I relate to Mary on a whole new level this year. I am in awe of her strength and her courage. I relate to the experience of labor and the birth of your firstborn son. The moment that you claimed your victory, pushed through pain, and bore a child all your own. Now, what if you were birthing the Lord, the one sent to save all of humanity?

These things have been heavy on my heart and mind and were greatly influenced by a blogpost my sister linked to her facebook page. Please take the time to read it, here.

"Women can tell this part of the story this Christmas, the glimpse behind the veil, the life lived in the in-between of the stuff of God. There is a story on your lips, isn’t there, mama? of how you saw the face of God in the midst of fear or pain or joy and understood, really understood, Mary, not kneeling chastely beside a clean manger refraining from touching her babe, just moments after birth but instead, sore and exhilarated, weary and pressing a sleepy, wrinkled newborn to her breasts, treasuring every moment in her heart, marvelling not only at his very presence but at her own strength, how surrender and letting go is true work, tucking every sight and smell and smack of his lips into her own marrow."

-Sarah Styles Bessey

Why have I never thought of such things before? Is it because I have never been a mother this time of year before? Is it like she says? Men simply cannot understand what it feels like to be the one to birth your child? (Even though they are present, coaching us on and marveling alongside us at our birth, they aren't the one actually birthing.) Why do we picture Mary and Joseph staring down at the Lord instead of taking in the moment and holding Christ tightly in their arms, sweaty, exhausted, exhilarated, alive, and at peace?

I wish we could see pictures of Mary and Jesus just after his birth. We have done a great job of Americanizing the emotionless Mary and the clean, quiet baby Jesus. I can't wait to relate with Mary about birth one day. Thank you, Father God, for sending your Son to save a world so lost.

World Prematurity Day

Today is World Prematurity Day.  I didn't know such a day existed until it came up on my facebook feed from Mothering Magazine.  1 is 8 babies is born premature.  During my pregnancy prematurity was something I didn't even think twice about.  Here's our story.

I guess if I'm going to deal with a premature baby I had the best case scenario possible.  Oliver decided to make his arrival at exactly 36 weeks.  He was considered a late-term premie.  When my water broke, at 3 in the morning, I did not react the way I had expected to react to labor.  I was extremely scared.  It was too early.  Why was he coming a month early?  I expected to react by going about my day until I couldn't ignore labor anymore, then laboring at home until I was late first stage.  Because of the fact we were doing this a month before we were supposed to, we decided to call the hospital.  We didn't take their advice to come right away because we wanted to make sure to see our Doctor and not whoever was on call.  I had no idea what to expect with an early baby, and especially a boy.  White, males are said to need the longest time to cook.  Dr. Brabson did a great job of reassuring me everything was going to be alright and really acted like he wasn't concerned at all by it.  Fast forward to our delivery.  We had a NICU Dr. present at Oliver's birth so she could check him out and whisk him away if need be.  Oliver came out screaming which was wonderful since the lungs are a huge concern with premies.  The Doctor checked him on my chest and gave him an apgar score of 8 and then 9.  Wow, isn't that great for a premie!?  I truly think that my labor and birth is part of why Oliver did so well when he was born.  Partially, he had the chance of clearing his lungs by emerging through the birth canal.  He also was not medicated with narcotics, pain killers, or epidurals.  He was alert and perfect.

Fast-forward to our breastfeeding experience.  NO ONE WARNED ME ABOUT NURSING A PREMIE.  WHY NOT!!??  I saw the lactation consultant at St. Mary's.  She came to our room every day a couple times a day during our stay at the hospital.  She was mostly concerned with me filling out her chart saying when he was pooping and peeing.  WHY didn't she talk to me about nursing a 36 weeker?  Why!?  I was as educated on breastfeeding as I could have been.  I read LLL's book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.  I took a breastfeeding class.  I have been exposed to breastfeeding my whole life.  I never even had to consider how I would feed my baby, I knew I'd be a weirdo who'd nurse until he was 3!

From the beginning Oliver latched well.  We had to help him latch on because you can imagine how tiny his mouth was, he weighed 5 pounds even the day we left the hospital.  Kurt would sit behind me and pinch my breast while I would lead Oliver to the nipple.  He would finally latch and nurse.  I was so engorged and swollen, it HURT.  To everyone who watched, Oliver was nursing great and doing wonderfully.  He nursed often and on demand.  At our first appointment 4 days after leaving the hospital he was already up to 5 pounds 2 oz.  At our 2 week appointment he was 5 pounds 7 oz which was great, he was 1 oz. over his birth weight.  We continued to do exactly what we had been doing and didn't see our Doctor again until 4 weeks.

 --The details from there are very emotional for me to discuss and to share.--  Oliver was not gaining weight.  We did everything we could to continue to exclusively breastfeed but that was not an option for us.  Oliver started formula after being labeled "failure to thrive".  Those 3 little words, tore my world apart.  I had done absolutely everything right.  I birthed the best way I could, I was educated about breastfeeding and did everything I was supposed to.  I didn't even give him a pacifier to avoid missing a time to nurse.  I nursed on demand even when it hurt and I was exhausted.  Those words "failure to thrive" broke my heart in two.  I had to give my baby formula.  Formula?  I know, I sound like a total snob, but it's true.  I thought of formula as almost poison before this point.  I did my research and knew I was going to do everything in my motherly power to still nurse my child.  I told the pediatrician I wanted to use the Medela Supplemental Nursing System instead of a bottle.  He was fine with that.  We went straight to UT Medical center to rent and hospital grade pump and to purchase the SNS.  The LC there wanted us to wait to see her before taking our pump, so we waited in the postpartum hall of the hospital.  A cafeteria worker walked past and saw us with Oliver and congratulated us on our new baby.  She thought he was just being discharged--he was actually 6 weeks old. I wanted to cry.  It took all I had to stand there and wait for the LC.  The LC finally showed up and offered to show us how to use the pump and the SNS in a postpartum room.  I'm glad she did.  She taught us how to put together all the finicky parts of the starter SNS and gave us formula.  She said something that I will never forget.  I was crying and she looked at me and said, "Oh honey, I am so sorry. The system has failed you."  Great, the system may have cost us our breastfeeding relationship.  My sweet Kurt took a sick day the following day to teach me how to use the SNS.  We were up for every feeding that literally took an hour and a half, EACH TIME.  We nursed for 20-30 minutes first, then got the SNS with .5 oz. of formula in it and fed again, then I pumped for 15 minutes.  By the time it was all said and done all those steps took an hour and a half.  We did this for 5 weeks.  By the end of 5 weeks I was still only pumping about 10ml and was seriously close to depression.  I contacted Dr. Jack Newman in Canada to find out about taking some prescription drugs to help my supply.  Dr. Newman told me he wasn't a fan of pumping like I had been because of how discouraging it is to see such a tiny amount of milk.  I took that as my permission to stop the crazy schedule I'd been keeping.  I couldn't do it anymore.  There was one thing I could continue to do though, and that was nurse with the SNS.

I chose to continue using the SNS because it allowed me to still nurse which was a closeness I yearned for with my precious babe.  I continued the supplements and the prescription but I stopped pumping for every feeding.  Oliver and I still nurse with the SNS.  He is still breastfeeding and I estimate he gets about 10 oz. of breast milk from me every day.

My premie is now close to 10 months old.  He is strong, happy, growing, and full of love and curiosity.  He is doing well and has given my life meaning.  I still do not know why he was born early.  I pray that Oliver's brothers and sisters will be full term babies, but I am so thankful for my sweet, content Oliver.  There's our premie story.  I hope you enjoyed reading about the defeats and victories that have brought us to where we are today.

A (general) guide to planning for your natural birth

Several friends have come to me with questions soon after finding out they are pregnant.  I decided I could post my advice here in hopes to help when deciding what you need to do once your shock and excitement has worn off of your news of pregnancy.

I find birth absolutely fascinating and am a self proclaimed birth junkie.  I would love to train to become a childbirth educator and truly hope to do so sometime within the relatively close future.  I hope this post will give you a guideline to what you should do to plan for your birth.  And obviously, I'm no expert.  I'm just posting my experience and advice which I hope is helpful.

1.  Read, read, read!!!  There are tons of resources for expectant moms.  Lots of them focus on the baby and what to actually do with your newborn.  Those are great and helpful, especially if you have never dealt with a newborn, but they are not what I'm talking about here.  You need to read information on your pregnancy including diet, fitness, development of your changing body and your baby.  I started my reading with Husband Coached Childbirth.  This is written by Dr. Bradley and should be read by your husband (or coach) as well.  A lot of my advice is based off of The Bradley Method because that is what we studied.  There are other methods so do your research and decide what is a best fit for you!  After reading Husband Coached Childbirth I suggest reading Natural Childbirth The Bradley Way.  This book helps with knowing what you will actually do when you are in labor.  It gives you a great amount of information about each stage of labor along with "signposts" of labor which tell a great deal about where a woman is in her labor based on her emotions and actions.  Knowledge is power and I really found great strength in being educated about what was actually happening when I was in labor and knowing that this was normal!  I find a coached method to be wonderful because when you are actually in labor you cannot be mentally assessing where you are and critiquing every little thing.  This is where your coach comes in!  He is educated as well and knows what is happening better than you do.  He can reassure you!

2.  Watch documentaries.  The Business of Being Born is by far my favorite documentary on birth.  It is incredibly eye-opening.  It does a great job of explaining some major flaws in the American system of Labor and Delivery.  I first saw the movie when it first came out and was shown at our local library.  I was interested in birth before I was even married or close to having a baby.  I invited a bunch of my friends to go with me and one by one they backed out thinking I was crazy for being interested in birth already.  I ended up going alone and I'm so glad I went.  I left feeling empowered and excited about birth!  Another popular documentary is Pregnant in America.  At one point both were instant view on Netflix, so check it out!  Even if you aren't pregnant, watch it just because!  And make your boyfriend/friends/husband/etc. watch it as well!

3.  Now that you've educated yourself on birth and you understand what you are looking for in your birthing experience you need to take a class.  I would not suggest taking the birthing class at your local hospital which is just going to tell you how to be a good patient, explain hospital protocol, and give you a tour of your labor room.  I'm talking about an actual class with a natural childbirth educator.  You will benefit so much from taking a class.  There are several options as far as classes go.  You could take The Bradley Method, Hypnobabies, Birthing from Within, Lamaze, etc.  Just do your research and decide which is a best fit for you and what is available in your area.  These classes aren't that expensive and will benefit you greatly.  We chose to study Bradley for several reasons.  I love that it's a coached method and gets your husband involved!  It becomes a bonding experience for the two of you.  Kurt is the person I trust most in this life so why wouldn't I want him to be the one to help me through my labor?  And after-all, I was having his baby! ;)  Bradley educates you on nutrition.  Our classes also covered common interventions and educated you on the risks/benefits of them.  We discussed birth plans, breastfeeding, postpartum, etc.  We learned affirmations and how to  relax.  Relaxing is something you think you can just wing but practicing with your coach turns out to be very important and it helped us tremendously.  Kurt felt prepared to be my coach. I felt prepared to go through labor.  I was able to relax with the help of my coach and my doulas (my mom and sister).

I hope this posts helps you to know what to do to begin learning and planning for your birth.  This is just a basic outline of the steps you should take to begin preparing.  I'll go ahead and dedicate it to a dear friend who called me this week with questions.  Maybe it's more for me than for you.  Now I have a guide to share instead of babbling on and on about all things birth.  Wishing you all the birth of your dreams!  :)

xoxo,
The Birth Junkie