Wean Me Gently

I found this poem tonight when looking on Best for Babes Facebook page.  Are you friends with them?  They post wonderful articles about breastfeeding and birth every day.  Anyway, as I was looking through their wall photos I found a link to this poem.

Wean Me Gently


I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have. 

But no matter how big we get, 

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you.  I need your warmth and closeness. 

Especially at the end of the day,

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

but nothing can take your place when I need you. 

Sometimes just cuddling with you, 

Having you near is enough. 

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there. 

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me, 

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender. 

By Cathy Cardall

What a beautiful poem that describes so much of a nursing relationship.  I'm so glad I found it tonight.  People as me when I'm going to wean Oliver.  I tell them when he's good and ready.  And as his mother who loves our time cuddling, I hope it's not any time soon.  Wean me gently.

Have you met the Boob Man?

World Prematurity Day

Today is World Prematurity Day.  I didn't know such a day existed until it came up on my facebook feed from Mothering Magazine.  1 is 8 babies is born premature.  During my pregnancy prematurity was something I didn't even think twice about.  Here's our story.

I guess if I'm going to deal with a premature baby I had the best case scenario possible.  Oliver decided to make his arrival at exactly 36 weeks.  He was considered a late-term premie.  When my water broke, at 3 in the morning, I did not react the way I had expected to react to labor.  I was extremely scared.  It was too early.  Why was he coming a month early?  I expected to react by going about my day until I couldn't ignore labor anymore, then laboring at home until I was late first stage.  Because of the fact we were doing this a month before we were supposed to, we decided to call the hospital.  We didn't take their advice to come right away because we wanted to make sure to see our Doctor and not whoever was on call.  I had no idea what to expect with an early baby, and especially a boy.  White, males are said to need the longest time to cook.  Dr. Brabson did a great job of reassuring me everything was going to be alright and really acted like he wasn't concerned at all by it.  Fast forward to our delivery.  We had a NICU Dr. present at Oliver's birth so she could check him out and whisk him away if need be.  Oliver came out screaming which was wonderful since the lungs are a huge concern with premies.  The Doctor checked him on my chest and gave him an apgar score of 8 and then 9.  Wow, isn't that great for a premie!?  I truly think that my labor and birth is part of why Oliver did so well when he was born.  Partially, he had the chance of clearing his lungs by emerging through the birth canal.  He also was not medicated with narcotics, pain killers, or epidurals.  He was alert and perfect.

Fast-forward to our breastfeeding experience.  NO ONE WARNED ME ABOUT NURSING A PREMIE.  WHY NOT!!??  I saw the lactation consultant at St. Mary's.  She came to our room every day a couple times a day during our stay at the hospital.  She was mostly concerned with me filling out her chart saying when he was pooping and peeing.  WHY didn't she talk to me about nursing a 36 weeker?  Why!?  I was as educated on breastfeeding as I could have been.  I read LLL's book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.  I took a breastfeeding class.  I have been exposed to breastfeeding my whole life.  I never even had to consider how I would feed my baby, I knew I'd be a weirdo who'd nurse until he was 3!

From the beginning Oliver latched well.  We had to help him latch on because you can imagine how tiny his mouth was, he weighed 5 pounds even the day we left the hospital.  Kurt would sit behind me and pinch my breast while I would lead Oliver to the nipple.  He would finally latch and nurse.  I was so engorged and swollen, it HURT.  To everyone who watched, Oliver was nursing great and doing wonderfully.  He nursed often and on demand.  At our first appointment 4 days after leaving the hospital he was already up to 5 pounds 2 oz.  At our 2 week appointment he was 5 pounds 7 oz which was great, he was 1 oz. over his birth weight.  We continued to do exactly what we had been doing and didn't see our Doctor again until 4 weeks.

 --The details from there are very emotional for me to discuss and to share.--  Oliver was not gaining weight.  We did everything we could to continue to exclusively breastfeed but that was not an option for us.  Oliver started formula after being labeled "failure to thrive".  Those 3 little words, tore my world apart.  I had done absolutely everything right.  I birthed the best way I could, I was educated about breastfeeding and did everything I was supposed to.  I didn't even give him a pacifier to avoid missing a time to nurse.  I nursed on demand even when it hurt and I was exhausted.  Those words "failure to thrive" broke my heart in two.  I had to give my baby formula.  Formula?  I know, I sound like a total snob, but it's true.  I thought of formula as almost poison before this point.  I did my research and knew I was going to do everything in my motherly power to still nurse my child.  I told the pediatrician I wanted to use the Medela Supplemental Nursing System instead of a bottle.  He was fine with that.  We went straight to UT Medical center to rent and hospital grade pump and to purchase the SNS.  The LC there wanted us to wait to see her before taking our pump, so we waited in the postpartum hall of the hospital.  A cafeteria worker walked past and saw us with Oliver and congratulated us on our new baby.  She thought he was just being discharged--he was actually 6 weeks old. I wanted to cry.  It took all I had to stand there and wait for the LC.  The LC finally showed up and offered to show us how to use the pump and the SNS in a postpartum room.  I'm glad she did.  She taught us how to put together all the finicky parts of the starter SNS and gave us formula.  She said something that I will never forget.  I was crying and she looked at me and said, "Oh honey, I am so sorry. The system has failed you."  Great, the system may have cost us our breastfeeding relationship.  My sweet Kurt took a sick day the following day to teach me how to use the SNS.  We were up for every feeding that literally took an hour and a half, EACH TIME.  We nursed for 20-30 minutes first, then got the SNS with .5 oz. of formula in it and fed again, then I pumped for 15 minutes.  By the time it was all said and done all those steps took an hour and a half.  We did this for 5 weeks.  By the end of 5 weeks I was still only pumping about 10ml and was seriously close to depression.  I contacted Dr. Jack Newman in Canada to find out about taking some prescription drugs to help my supply.  Dr. Newman told me he wasn't a fan of pumping like I had been because of how discouraging it is to see such a tiny amount of milk.  I took that as my permission to stop the crazy schedule I'd been keeping.  I couldn't do it anymore.  There was one thing I could continue to do though, and that was nurse with the SNS.

I chose to continue using the SNS because it allowed me to still nurse which was a closeness I yearned for with my precious babe.  I continued the supplements and the prescription but I stopped pumping for every feeding.  Oliver and I still nurse with the SNS.  He is still breastfeeding and I estimate he gets about 10 oz. of breast milk from me every day.

My premie is now close to 10 months old.  He is strong, happy, growing, and full of love and curiosity.  He is doing well and has given my life meaning.  I still do not know why he was born early.  I pray that Oliver's brothers and sisters will be full term babies, but I am so thankful for my sweet, content Oliver.  There's our premie story.  I hope you enjoyed reading about the defeats and victories that have brought us to where we are today.

Sniffles, snot, and coughs

This past week has been among the most trying weeks for me as a mother.  My baby got sick for the first time and I'd like to take a pass on ever dealing with that again- I can dream, right!?--  It all started Sunday night.  We spent a very quick weekend in VA for my sister's baby shower.  We had a nice time but it was such a short trip it was hard on all of us.  We used to pick up and leave for a weekend trip all the time before Oliver came.  Now, it's just not possible.  Anyway, we got back to Knoxville around 9:30pm Sunday night and Oliver was up through the night with a stuffy nose.  I truly thought he was teething Monday and expected to see his first pearly white at any moment.  By Tuesday a cough started and I tried to stay calm when I started to get sick as well.  By Wednesday he had a much worse cough and I knew I had to call his doctor.  They fit him in that afternoon and luckily Kurt was able to duck out of work about 30 minutes early to come with me to the appointment.  We ended up getting a Nebulizer and 2 prescriptions for the babe.  One for Zyrtec and the other for breathing meds.

Wednesday night was the second most difficult night of my life as a new mother.  My baby was sick for the first time, I was now sick as well.  We were both exhausted and feeling rather miserable.  I really felt like Oliver needed his second dose of breathing meds but Kurt left them at the pharmacy because of their outrageous cost of $117 for an 8 DAY supply.  I know that's a crazy price, but I don't care if I eat ramen for the next month, if my baby needs expensive meds I'll do whatever I can to get them for him.  Not to get into all the down and dirty details, but Kurt and I fought hard about going and getting the meds for him.  We ended up waiting and I calledThursday morning, at 8 o'clock on the dot, to try to get his Rx changed to a cheaper drug with a generic.  This whole process took 3 calls to the pediatrician office throughout the day, and still ended up costing us $67 and he didn't get to have his first breathing treatment until 4pm Thursday afternoon.

You all know about my supply issues and have probably read about my nursing journey.  Breastfeeding my baby is as important to me as a natural birth was.  When Oliver was sick and all he wanted to do was nurse and he couldn't because of his clogged up nose, it was heartbreaking.  He would turn his head and root, he'd latch on, then have to come off for air after a few pitiful sucks.  You also know my philosophy on mothering and how I try my best to meet his needs immediately... and I guess you can imagine what this week was like for me when I couldn't meet his needs.  I couldn't let him nurse.  I couldn't give him the meds he needed.  All I could do was cuddle him and give him a bottle and pump my heart out in hopes that my small milk supply would hold out through this sickness.

Things really turned around when he got his first breathing treatment at home Thursday afternoon.  He could breathe, he has nursed for every meal since then.  He has slept through the night again and is able to nurse while we sleep like usual again.  Yesterday he played SO HARD all day that he wouldn't take a nap because he was too excited to be playing again.  His knees last night were as red as a lobster from crawling all day.  This week I missed my baby's smiles.  I'm used to him smiling at me just about every time I look at him, talk to him, go to get him up from a nap, etc.  He and I are on the mend and I'm so thankful for that.

Despite his sickness he's met two milestones this week.  Thursday after his breathing treatment and a good nursing session he crawled for the first time.  He's fast with his army crawl but he crawled on his hands and knees for about 2-3 steps before lunging back onto his belly and taking off again!  We were thrilled.  Then yesterday he was playing at my feet and pulled himself up onto his knees, then straight up onto his feet!  He stood up!  I was in total shock and still kind of am.  He is such an incredible blessing to me and has met milestones even while fighting off his first illness.  His temperament is so content and loving that even when he was not feeling well he was mostly pleasant.  Here are a few shots from this week.

Watching Baby Einstein with a sock full of ice on Monday, not feeling so great. 

By the end of the week starting to feel better and excited to see Daddy!

Got caught!!

"I love avocado!"

Waaaaahhhhh

A friend posted this article on my facebook wall this week and asked me my opinion of it.  I have read the article a few times and played around with it in my head today off and on and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it.  I am ok with certain parts, I guess.  She is not saying to let the baby cry-it-out.  She is not talking about leaving them in a dark room because that's what they need... but she is talking about letting them cry.  So, is it any different just because you hold them while they cry???

I really am annoyed at people saying that an attached mom just offers the boob instantly for the first whimper. Ezzo says that in Babywise and attributes the attached mom offering the breast to the obesity epidemic in our country.  I think that's totally ridiculous.  

“An anxious and irritated parent (crying does irritate!) will most likely do what brings the fastest relief – give the breast or bottle. The baby almost always accepts it, calms down and often falls asleep. Of course, this is the right solution if the baby is hungry.  However, if the baby has other needs (for instance being tired or having pain), she will learn to expect food in response to these other needs, and grasp the breast or bottle even though she is not hungry.” – Magda Gerber, Dear Parent: Caring For Infants With Respect

I can see her point that it is not good for food to be shoved in the baby’s mouth for any and every need, I do think there is a difference whether the baby is being breastfed or bottle fed.  And please, realize I am not talking about breast milk versus formula!  I don’t care if we are talking about breastfeeding and giving a bottle of breast milk!  My point is that the breast is much more versatile and can be used by the baby for comfort, closeness, pacifying, etc.  The baby will nurse differently if this is their goal instead of nursing for hunger.  The bottle does not offer that same versatility because it releases a constant stream of milk unlike the breast.

Moving on, it seems to me the author is trying to say that our motivation in stopping our babies cry instantly is from our insecurities about the way we were raised and not being able to feel deep emotion.  She also thinks that we stop the baby’s cry because we cannot stand the crying, it makes us frazzled and stressed.  I do not like my baby to cry and I do have hormonal, emotional reactions to his cry.  I am not reacting to his cry because I need to stop the noise and in return my stress level.  I stop his cry because I know his cry is his voice and he is using it to tell me about his needs!  I then take action to meet his needs to the best of my ability.

“Why is it so difficult to hold a crying baby and to accept the crying? Probably because few people were allowed to cry as much as needed when they were little. Your parents may have tried to stop you from crying when you were a baby. Perhaps they gave you a pacifier, or kept trying to feed you, or jiggled you every time you cried, thinking this was what you needed at the moment. Perhaps they tried to distract you with toys, music, or games, when all you needed was their undivided attention and loving arms so that you could continue with your crying.” –Aletha Solter, Aware Parenting

When I cry I want to feel better and sometimes crying does that for me but usually I feel better by being comforted by someone like a good friend, sister, or my husband.  I can be comforted through talking or a hug.  In the same way, a baby is comforted through nursing, rocking, music, etc. which in my opinion, are all great ways to give the baby what he wants.

"Some parents decide to go for days without a shower, or to carry their baby all the time, in an effort to remedy this kind of crying.  Life gets harder, and parenting less enjoyable." Wipfler

I assume that statement is supposed to be about me, the attached mom.  That's fine.  it's incorrect.  My son usually does not cry unless there is a problem. He is such a calm baby and is incredibly content.  I have been truly blessed by him and I do wonder if his demeanor has something to do with the way we parent him.  His needs are met quickly, he is allowed to express himself as he needs to, he plays and explores, and is attached to his mama and papa.  Yes, I do respond to his cry quickly and I'm still ok with that. 

I made a titty tent! I mean, a nursing cover.

I got a sewing machine for my birthday back in April and haven't used it a whole lot since getting it.  I'm definitely a beginner and have been trying to think of things to start out making.  I've made 2 aprons and thought I could make a nursing cover pretty easily. I had a lot of fun making it and will show you pictures of the process in just a minute...

A word about nursing covers- I do not think of a nursing cover to be totally necessary for a breastfeeding mother.  I think they are great for women who would be uncomfortable to nurse in public otherwise.  I always pictured myself as one of the women who would proudly nurse without a cover wherever I was.  However, when I had to start supplementing Oliver with the SNS, nursing in public became a whole new ballgame.  A nursing cover allows me to use the SNS in public since it is harder to stay covered while using it.  A friend of mine recently posted a link to a blog post that discussed the topic of nursing covers and I was blown away by the post.  It made me reconsider using a cover.  She ends her post with this, which totally blew me away,
    
              "Please, no more calls to "cover up". Anyone who cries for a cover over the beautiful sight       of a nursing mother and child is unwittingly and devastatingly calling for the destruction of womanly knowledge, and the handicap of the next generation of breastfeeders." 

Now back to my reason for this post, my sewing project!  

My supplies.

My old nursing cover I used as my pattern

Pinning

Reading about decorative stitches on my machine- with the help of little hands! 

Sewing the decorative stitch

Trying out our new cover.
And no, I normally do not use a cover at home! 

And just because he's so darn cute.

After some contemplation about what the blogger suggested I am still using a nursing cover.  I can only hope that my future babies will be better nursers, my milk will be more abundant, and I will not have to use the SNS.  Those will be the days of cover free nursing!  But for now, I'll stay covered up.

Would you nurse him in a car?

Lately I've been hearing Dr. Seuss in my head every time I nurse Oliver in a different place.  Before going further though to explain what I mean, I should fill you in on our breastfeeding journey.  The quick version is that Oliver was born a little early.  I knew I was going to breastfeed him, I've been exposed to nursing my whole life and breastfed all my babydolls.  My milk came in and everything seemed great and he was gaining for the first 2 weeks really well.  It turns out he wasn't transferring much milk and my supply really diminished because of it.  We did everything under the sun to get my supply increased and nothing has really worked.  At 7 weeks we started supplementing Oliver with formula using the Medela Supplemental Nursing System.  We had done our research and knew that was what we wanted to use when our pediatrician suggested supplementing with a bottle.  Breastfeeding is so important to me and I had big hopes the SNS would increase my supply.  It really hasn't increased my supply but it has kept my supply steady.  I am able to nurse Oliver by using the SNS.  He gets breast milk from me as well as his formula.  At first I was embarassed by the SNS.  It is not used very commonly and a lot of people do not know what it is.  I stayed in with Oliver nursing him to gain weight for a few months while he got stronger and I gained confidence in my mothering and the way I was feeding him.  Now, I feel like it is something people should know about.  It allows me to nurse my baby anywhere, (with a little planning).  I have been so grateful for the SNS because I am not sure my milk would still be here if I had given him a bottle at 7 weeks.

Now that you are filled in on what we're doing...let me explain the mention of Dr. Seuss.  Because I have worked so hard to keep the small supply that I have I am not comfortable giving Oliver a bottle, even in public, unless I really need to for some reason.  He's a bottle only a handful of times.  We use the SNS everywhere.
Would you nurse him...
in the car?
at the pool?
at your in-laws?

Nursing w/ the SNS at Cafe 4 after Graduation

at church
on the patio?
at a restaurant?
at friends houses?
at JoAnn fabrics?
That's all I can think of right now, but I am proud to say that I've nursed my baby in all those places with the help of the SNS.  It has been good for my heart with all the burden of supply issues.  I love the connection of breastfeeding and the sweet looks of thanks I receive from my sweet boy.  It makes it all totally worth it.