If you know me, you know how important breastfeeding is to me. It's not that I think I'm proving anything; it's just the way I mother. There's no way around it. I love the attachment it creates, the sleepy smiles of appreciation, the closeness.
If you have known me since Oliver was an infant, you also probably know that we struggled with my milk supply the whole time. And by struggled, I mean
really struggled. From what I can gather, I never made more than
10 oz. of milk a day for Oliver. But guess what? Who cares?! He is still nursing at almost 28 months old, so I'd say he sure doesn't!
Breast milk is the healthiest thing we can give our babies. Everyone knows that,
but both my babies need formula and donor milk to thrive. I've come to terms with that. It's less about
how much milk they are getting from me, and
more about the relationship we both need. Any little bit counts and there's much more to it than just nourishment.
I thought my issues with Oliver were due to extenuating circumstances. I did absolutely everything you, your mom, and your best friend have ever heard of for increasing my supply, all to no avail. I was able to maintain my small supply through the use of the Medela Supplemental Nursing System; which I continued to use through his entire first year.
Now, since we all thought my issues with Oliver were a one time thing, I was totally caught off guard this time when Julianne was 4 days old and my milk was not it. She was still pooping meconium and wasn't really giving us significant wet and dirty diapers. She was also still losing weight, which I was watching closely with my postal scale. I began a strict regimen of nursing, using the SNS, then pumping with a rented hospital grade pump. I took fenugreek, motherlove tincture, and brewed my own loose leaf tea with all the good herbs for milk supply. I ate oatmeal. I tried beer. I tried getting more sleep.
I even encapsulated my placenta.
Nothing made much of a difference. I talked with my OB and had blood work done to check my iron, thyroid, and HCG (checking for retained placenta). All my results were normal which left me questioning-
WHY this was happening again?! You see, all my tricks for raising supply were done when it was too late with Oliver, but this time I was proactive. I did it all from the beginning and still have struggled in the same way.
We were able to make an appointment with Kristin Williams from the Lisa Ross Breastfeeding Center (part of the Lisa Ross Birth Center). She is a licensed lactation consultant, the fourth we'd seen since having Oliver. The first three were essentially no help and we had to find a lot on our own through online research and mothering message boards. It didn't take Kristen long to diagnose Julianne's tongue tie and lip tie. She referred us to a trusted ENT to have them both clipped when she was 3 weeks old. This helped to allow her latch to be fully engaged (fish lips) and her no-longer-tied tongue can help with her ability to suck. As we looked more closely, we realized that Kurt actually has the lip tie and, subsequently, Oliver. Granted, he was 4 weeks early, but that may have factored into my supply issues then, as well.
Kristin also got me a prescription for Domperidone, which is known to help improve milk supply. The Domperidone has
really been helping. I've been feeling let downs(!!!!!!)
which is something I had NEVER felt before! Julianne is content to nurse without the SNS at night now. She's also been happy with only getting 1 oz. from the SNS at each of her daytime feedings; and she doesn't use it at all at night. That means she's only being supplemented about 8 oz., or less, per day. I've been blessed with sisters who are lactating and friends who are as well and are generous with their milk! I LOVE having breast milk in my freezer to give her. She still needs formula but it feels like a good boost of immunity when I can give her breast milk.
I have gotten over the the feeling of failure. This is the hand I've been dealt, for whatever reason. It sure makes things harder, but I know I can do it. My sweet girl is growing and gaining weight. She is lifting her head and rolling over. She's thriving and that is what's important. It makes what I'm doing worth it. We have been blessed with a happy baby. I'm jealous of those of you with abundantly flowing breast milk, but I am glad to have the option of the SNS and the chance to still nurse my children.
